Knocked Up

Last night I had this incredibly realistic dream that I was hugely pregnant and in labor. My belly was so freaking big and the contractions hurt really bad; I'm sure that actually giving birth is much more painful, which is worrisome*. Also I was writhing around alone in my bed without any medical assistance, which sort of sucked.

I was vaguely aggravated about being pregnant in the first place and definitely not thrilled about giving birth, given the pain factor. In this middle of everything, I woke up briefly and then fell back asleep, at which point, thankfully, the baby was already born. Turns out I had a girl and named her Carolina** Rose. Remarkably, or perhaps not, there was no father featured in the dream and my foremost concern was getting back to work. At no point did I even ever see the baby, in fact.

In related news, and in the spirit of always trying to share TMI, my cycle has been really off due to a six week stint on the Pill shortly before leaving for China and during my time there in hopes of pushing back my period until my return to California. It worked up until a couple of days before we left Beijing, but then my body was all fucked up from the hormones. I was about a week late this month and had a lovely two weeks of PMS action without ever hitting the M part of that acronym. Normally that wouldn't be a huge deal, except since I've actually gotten some action lately***, I was stressed out that maybe I wasn't just late but LATE.

I went so far as to take a pregnancy test last night (only one line, whew!) but I was still worried because I'm crazy. Thus my mind conjured the insane dreams last night which once again proved that even in my subconscious, I'm unfit for motherhood.

* Or would be, if I ever intended to get pregnant.

** Pronounced as in Carolina Herrera, not South Carolina.

*** Always use a condom, boys and girls. I do! And yet I'm still terrified of getting pregnant because I'm Catholic and I know God wants to punish me for having pre-marital sex.