Speaking In Tongues

I'm once again trying the Internet dating thing. Actually, it's not half bad. Well, okay, if we're using math, it's exactly half bad.

I've been on two dates with two different guys. I won't bore you with the good date because you don't care about that. You want to hear about the bad date. Bad dates are way more interesting.

To be fair, it was a great location (Descanso Gardens) and he picked it, so bonus points for him. However, he was extraordinarily quiet. Like mime quiet. He also kept eating the plants (no joke) and didn't quite match his online photos that portrayed him as a person with normal hair and average body weight. This is not to say that I'm shallow! Okay, I am shallow. I'd like to date someone with whom I can imagine engaging in the types of sex acts that remain illegal in some Southern states. And this guy looked only vaguely like his photos, and by "vaguely," I mean maybe he ate that guy and showed up posing as him.

Shouldn't there be some sort of harsh criminal penalty for putting up misleading photos on a dating site?